Friday, April 2, 2010
New Sex Jokes
| New Sex Jokes ☻SEX SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u. ☻SEX ON TEXT Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text! ☻YOU ARE WANTED The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me? ☻TALKING DIRTY When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute. ☻LOVE AND SEX Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game! ☻SEX IS ... Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?! ☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$ MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U ☻NIGHT PRAYER Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen. ☻WHAT I NEED I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you! ☻WRONG NUMBER U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY ☻NO SEX ! There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX ! ☻PHONE ENGAGE hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER' ☻KENTUCKEY A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in. ☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion. ☻OLD MAN There was an old man from gosham, who got out his bollocks to wash'em, His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back, i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new) ☻ARSE ICONS (_!_) Regular arse (__!__) Fat arse (!) Tight arse (_*_) Sore arse (_o_) Well used arse (_e=mc2_) Smart arse (_x_) Kiss my arse ☻FAMILY your father had your mother, your mother had your brother, it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and your mothers now your lover ☻GUY PERIOD If guys had they periods They wouldcompare the size of their tampons! ☻DEMONSTRATION Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to increase the population for a younger generation do you get the nformation...or do you need a demonstration ☻SEX IS EVIL Sex is evil Evil is sin Sin is forgiven So stick it in. ☻VIRGIN Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut. ☻GUYS Guys are like roses, Watch out for the pricks. ☻cOOL GIRL Im acool girl, in acool town it takes a real mother fucker to put me down ☻HOT SEX There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ... NO SEX ! ☻WOMENS NEEDS There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed! And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!! ☻SICK LEAVE A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick. Boss asks: How sick are you? The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that? ☻BRAND SEX Sex is like nokia -connecting people like Nike -just do it Like Pepsi -ask for more Like Samsung -everyone is invated and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE! ☻VALANTINE Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you? ☻F**KING MAFIA Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!! ☻THE BUSH When an apple is green it's ready to pluck When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck! ☻The Alpahbet a-ur attractive b-ur beautiful c-urcaring d-ur delicous e-ur exciting f-ur funny g-ur gorgeous h-ur heavenly I-IM J-JUST K-KIDDING L-LOSER! ☻Luv is a sensation Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration? ☻Good Sex Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid, everyone likes getting laid! ☻Equation Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply! ☻Sex Guide Bak 2 bak, front 2 front, on d table,lick dcunt, stick it in, do ur ting, do it hard & make her sing, tense ur body feel dcum, den let it rip into her bum! ☻Luv me tender Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin! ☻Life as a penis 5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b’hind u 4)ur bestm8s acunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint! ☻Pregnant Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! ☻Flying Fuck Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten! ☻Beat Me Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout! ☻£50 note tattood on yourcock 3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock: 1- Ucan play wiv ur money, 2- Ucan see ur money grow 3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants ☻Bastard Rubber D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! ☻Nice Arse I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse! ☻Cat & Rooster cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy! ☻Love poem Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between! ☻Bonna There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another? ☻Cocktail Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum! ☻Triplets or Twins I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! ☻How to satisfy a woman HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job ☻Life is like a dick Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! ☻Rainbow Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! ☻Love & War LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! ☻Little Girl When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! ☻Virginity is like a balloon Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! ☻Question Time Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin? A)a mouth full ofcock! ☻The Truth QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! ☻Pringles Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!! ☻Marriage A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! ☻Getting Old U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo ☻Baby Please Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection! ☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish! ☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high! ☻Men like toilets Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid 5)rconstantlt full of shit! ☻Mary's bush Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!! ☻Horny Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! ☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains urcar! 2)but still work,right? 3)r ucold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! ☻Hickory, dickory, dock Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block! ☻Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard! ☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! ☻Being a student Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex! ☻Down on her Knees Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job! ☻Cat and the Sausage Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy! ☻Oral sex Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again! ☻Mary's bike Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt ☻Rhyme a mans ocupation is to stick hiscockulation up a wommens ventulation to increase the population of the younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down! ☻NewsFlash *NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal ! ☻Nutella I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella. ☻U and the Pope do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :) ☻Durex Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex ☻Old Days in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented. ☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll Speed, weed and birthcontrol, lifes a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world lets get high.. ☻Kiss Me Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated! ☻How many letters How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him! ☻My Roof? last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof?? ☻Foot and Mouth mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth ☻Blondes What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop ☻Operator This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you ☻Blonde Womens legs what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met! ☻This Way Up Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H ☻I love you This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys! ☻Mary's Lambs Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy. ☻Sheep Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot. ☻Butter Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!! ☻Condom factory Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory. ☻Yo Mama Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her. ☻Mary Stinks Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole! ☻Mary's Duck mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck! ☻Tampons whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts! ☻Sex is like Maths sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs... and MULTIPLY! ☻Suspense how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!! ☻Statistics At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS ☻Farmer Joneshas farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag ☻Gary Gliter *Newsflash* The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach. The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's ☻Ba Ba White Sheep ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie ☻News Flash - Indian Earthquake !!News flash!! Indian earthquake kills 50 000! USA sending food. Australia sendingclothes. britain sending ... ... ... Replacements ☻Leather Heather there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together ☻Little Miss Drugy little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed. ☻Jack and Jill Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER ☻IRA what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth ☻Dear Mammy love annie There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. ☻Cock Sucker Detecotor This is acock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... cOCK SUCKER !! ☻Pink Vagina Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? ☻Red Riding Hood Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says! ☻Fuck for money sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money ☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin! ☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b'hind u 4)ur bestm8s acunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint! ☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! ☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten! ☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout! ☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock: 1- Ucan play wiv ur money, 2- Ucan see ur money grow 3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants ☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! ☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse! ☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy! ☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between! ☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another? ☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum! ☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! ☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job ☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! ☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! ☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! ☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! ☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! ☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together ☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed . ☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER ☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth ☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. ☻This is acock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !! ☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? ☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says! ☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money ☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents ☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET ☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!" ☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble! ☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok" ☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever! ☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!! Labels: New Sex Jokes |
posted by Mr.m at 4:09 PM
Hello my name is mrs Angel Rush and am from USA, i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my EX husband, we got married for more than 5 years and have gotten two kids. Thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he wanted a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i went online searching for help then i came accross a testimony of a woman testifying how DR Tafar helped her with the same case, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted him for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. Then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me.Now myself and my family are now happy again today.Thank you DR Tafar for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend, ex lover and girlfriend to contact great odumodu with this via EMAIL:his tafarlovespell@gmail.com Tafarlovespell@yahoo.com and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.
Hello my name is mrs Angel Rush and am from USA, i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my EX husband, we got married for more than 5 years and have gotten two kids. Thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he wanted a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i went online searching for help then i came accross a testimony of a woman testifying how DR Tafar helped her with the same case, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted him for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. Then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me.Now myself and my family are now happy again today.Thank you DR Tafar for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend, ex lover and girlfriend to contact great odumodu with this via EMAIL:his tafarlovespell@gmail.com Tafarlovespell@yahoo.com and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.