Friday, April 2, 2010
Miss You SMS
| Miss You SMS Text: Sometimes i dont say "Hi" Sometimes i dont Reply Sometimes i dont message U But it doesn't means that i Forget U i am giving u time to "Miss Me" © Samjha Do Apni Yaadon Ko, Wo Bin Bulayey kabi Aya na karen, Tum To Door Reh Kar Statey hi Ho, Mager Wo Pass Aa Kar hamen Rulaaya na karen...! ) © In my life I learnt how 2 love, 2smile, 2 b faithful, 2 forgive, bt I cudn't learn hw… 2 stop remembering u!!!!Miss U © Urdu JUGNU ko QAID kar ke MUSKURAYA na karo, ROSHNI ki KHATIR kisi ka DIL jalaya na karo, DIL pe SITAM itna b to na karo ! YAAD nahi karte to YAAD aaya na karo. © My eyes miss u my lips kiss my hands need u my mind call u my heart is just for u © Every TEAR is a sign of BROKENESS, Every SILENCE is a sign of LONELINESS, Every SMILE is a sign of KINDNESS, & every SMS is a sign of REMEMBERENCE.. () Labels: Miss You SMS |
Lovely Married Sms jokes
| Lovely Married Sms jokes Q: Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? A: It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! Y a man carrzy his wife's photo in d wallet? COZ whenever he faces trouble, sees d photo & thinks-If I can handle THIS i can handle anything! A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire". After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. For the fools marraige are burden.Marraige is the happy begining of 3rd phase of life.It is to share responsibility,having ligal relations in society.Married life becomes happy when u see the smile on ur childs face! A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Dad! I've found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?" Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Husband asks, do u know the meaning of wife. it means... - without - informtion - fighting - evrytime! wife on hearng this says, it could also mean - with idiot for ever! Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. Why do we all marry?Because romance is not the only element of life.We should also knowhorror,terror,suspense,irony,stupidity & tragedy of LIFE. Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti. WIFE:kal raat tum neend main mujhe gaaliya de rahe the, HUSBAND:tumhe galatfehmi hui h. WIFE:kaisi galat fehmi? HUSBAND:yehi k main soya hua tha...............! TO ALL BACHELORS Dont Marry AIRTEL girl, she will do magic on u. Dont Marry BSNL girl, she has connections with all indians. Dont Marry IDEA girl, she touches u tomorrow, not today. Dont Marry RELIANCE girl, she takes u in her mutthi mein. Marry only HUTCH girl, she follows u where ever u go. Labels: Lovely Married Sms jokes |
Double Meaning Sms
| Double Meaning Sms He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine! Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb How do u teach a blonde maths?U subtract her chlothes Devide her legsAnd square root her. He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine! Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.Sagar se gahara koi nahi.Aab aapki kya tarif karu...Dost me aap jaisa...Nalayak koi nahi! Jis Tarah Shereen Bina Farhad Mar GayaJis tarah Laila Bina Majnoon Mar GayaBilkul Usi tarahhaan Usi tarhyeh kabhi bhi mat sochna k main tumhare bina mar jaonga Once a baby monkey ask his mum...."mum why r v so ugly?"Mum replies..."Beta essa mat bol kio k jo yeh sms parh raha hay wo hum sai bhi ugly ha I luv the way it rubs aganst the soft pink flesh creating creamy fomy liquid, as it trust in and out up & down, cant wait till nxt time my toothBrush Pehle gale se lagao, Phir kiss karo...Phir bed pe litao, Phir uske legs uthao..Agar bachhe ne susu kar dia, to pamper badlo Barsaat ki raat, ek ladki bheege badan, bheege hoath, bheege baal, Use dekh ke laga, laga.............kal ye pakke bimar hogi. Har laal rang RED nahin hota, Her murda DEAD nahin hota, Kaisay kahon par yeh sach hai, Har koi aap ki tarah MAD nahin hota… MAD bolay to M-Most A-Attractive D-Dost… Tum Door Sahi Majboor Sahi Per Yaad Tumhari Ati Hai Tum Saans Wahaan Per Letey Hoo Badboo Yahaan Tuk Ati Hai. Ab Chota Closeup Sirf Paanch Rupey main. Abe o burai ke resgulle, Pap ki berfi , Bewafa ke laddu, Matlabi chuski, Badmashi ke pedhe, Jhoot ke kalakand.. Tu bada hi sweet hai re.. Tujhe utha ke lon ya bitha ke lon Tujhe utha ke lon ya bitha ke lon karon andhera ya balb jala ke lon ya tujhe khada karon phir teri jhuka ke lon ab to […] I dropped a coin in wishing well and prayed for a smart friend. God gifted me you and said, "Itne paise me itna hi milega." Labels: Double Meaning Sms |
New Marriage Jokes
| New Marriage Jokes ☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!). ☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering. ☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes. ☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire". ☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels. Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels." ☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. ☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. ☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time! ☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole ☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes... ☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things. First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down. Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive. Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service. While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words ...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him) ☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. ☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..." ☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!! ☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor. One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making". Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D. "Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making; I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied... ☻Q: Why do brides wear white? A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen. ☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." ☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving ☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. ☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." ☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx ☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward ☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson ☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge ☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor ☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne ☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown ☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. ☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith ☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran ☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde ☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie ☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams ☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'. ☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood ☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood ☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown. ☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman ☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx ☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi ☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson ☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman ☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West ☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher ☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann ☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli ☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker ☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry ☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin ☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus ☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates ☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland ☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck ☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron ☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman ☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton ☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante ☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield ☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow ☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman ☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations... ☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse. ☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage ...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory! ☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear" ☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it. ☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future ☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets! ☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment ☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet! ☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population. ☻May you grow old on one pillow. ☻Dear [bride's name], ☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself? [Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again ☻I've known many, Liked not a few, Loved only one, I toast to you ☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework. ☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out ☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life... ☻To my wife...my bride...my joy ☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam. ☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. ☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride. ☻May our children be blessed with rich parents ☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same. Labels: New Marriage Jokes |
Sexy Text Messages
| Sexy Text Messages Go"SMS" Go to my dearest friend, . IF he is busy then wait, . OR "AGAR" FREE HO TO UN KE GAND MAIN GHUS JANA, . OR TUB TAK HILLTY REHNA JUB TAK WO MUJHY KOI ACHA SA SMS REPLY NA KERY Patni ne Arz kiya hai ki.... "Zara Dhire se CHODO Sanam, Mehangai ka Zamana hai.. 2 inch ki Chut ko Zindagi Bhar Chalana hai. We don't meet the person everyday who has that kind of magic that makes you fall in love. So if you ever find the person like this never ever miss the opportunity to say "I LOVE U". Firstly, take it in hand. Then on mouth . Phir thuk lagao . Phir Under gusao Kitna Mushkil hota hai sui mein dhaaga daalna. Hik sardar ek ladki de naal physical relation badade janda paya si, and ladki ne kaha"Ruk jao sardar ji, warna main apni jaan de dungi" Gusse me Sardar ne kaha, "jaan de dena par kisi de kam na aana." My friend, i heard that someone has put gun on your ear and said that "JAAN DO YA GAAND DO" Thank god ki yaar teri jaan bach gayi. Male= pura ander chala gaya na Female= ji, bilkul chala gaya Male=dara ho raha hai kya.. Female=haaaaaaaaaan Male=Is It Completely Fit or Not. Female=perfect Male=Are You Feeling Comfortable In It? Female=zaberdast, Bilkul Aaram hai.. Male=aray Suno, Pack these sandle for madam. Ek baar, ek nanga aadmi aur ek haathi amne saaamne aa gaye. Haathhi ne nange aadmi ko thodi der dekha, aur ohir kaha, " tum itni chiti si chiz(thing) se saans kaise lete ho. Q:Kon zyada stronger hota hai, Man ya Women? A:Woman zyada strong hoti hai because she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane. A big Cock (Lund), Color white, Height 8 Inch, Wearing Rubber's Chogha has been lost. I want to inform everybody that whoever found it, please take it to his gaand. Sex is good and sex is funny, many people fuck for money, but if you think sex is funny, so fuck your self and save your money. Labels: Sexy Text Messages |
Naughty Text Messages
| Naughty Text Messages Ok, you are looking for naughty text messages to send to your friends. This page deals in best and famous naughty text messages, Naughty Jokes, Naughty SMS, Naughty Short Messages to send to your friends. if i was a flower would u pick me if i was lolly would u lick me if i was a sweetie would u suck me and if i asked nicely ould u fuck me!!! A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. CONGRATS.A new puzzle game has been installed in your phone. To play,throw your phone against the wall.Then assemble the pieces.... I really deeply wish tat u r hereI really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room.on my bed&lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch. Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken. come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied -lovingly urs TOILET!!!! When i look at the sun i c u! when i look at the moon i c u! when i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way! Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply! north 2 north south 2south my best direction is mouth 2mouth. I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff! I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed. I really deeply wish tat u r here I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room.on my bed&lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch. What is the height of Flirting? When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN". what happend 2 ur mobile? i was trying 2 call u but i got this msg: welcome 2 Da jungle network, Da monkey u r tring 2 call is on tree plz try later. Labels: Naughty Text Messages |
New Sex Jokes
| New Sex Jokes ☻SEX SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u. ☻SEX ON TEXT Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text! ☻YOU ARE WANTED The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me? ☻TALKING DIRTY When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute. ☻LOVE AND SEX Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game! ☻SEX IS ... Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?! ☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$ MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U ☻NIGHT PRAYER Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen. ☻WHAT I NEED I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you! ☻WRONG NUMBER U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY ☻NO SEX ! There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX ! ☻PHONE ENGAGE hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER' ☻KENTUCKEY A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in. ☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion. ☻OLD MAN There was an old man from gosham, who got out his bollocks to wash'em, His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back, i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new) ☻ARSE ICONS (_!_) Regular arse (__!__) Fat arse (!) Tight arse (_*_) Sore arse (_o_) Well used arse (_e=mc2_) Smart arse (_x_) Kiss my arse ☻FAMILY your father had your mother, your mother had your brother, it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and your mothers now your lover ☻GUY PERIOD If guys had they periods They wouldcompare the size of their tampons! ☻DEMONSTRATION Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to increase the population for a younger generation do you get the nformation...or do you need a demonstration ☻SEX IS EVIL Sex is evil Evil is sin Sin is forgiven So stick it in. ☻VIRGIN Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut. ☻GUYS Guys are like roses, Watch out for the pricks. ☻cOOL GIRL Im acool girl, in acool town it takes a real mother fucker to put me down ☻HOT SEX There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ... NO SEX ! ☻WOMENS NEEDS There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed! And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!! ☻SICK LEAVE A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick. Boss asks: How sick are you? The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that? ☻BRAND SEX Sex is like nokia -connecting people like Nike -just do it Like Pepsi -ask for more Like Samsung -everyone is invated and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE! ☻VALANTINE Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you? ☻F**KING MAFIA Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!! ☻THE BUSH When an apple is green it's ready to pluck When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck! ☻The Alpahbet a-ur attractive b-ur beautiful c-urcaring d-ur delicous e-ur exciting f-ur funny g-ur gorgeous h-ur heavenly I-IM J-JUST K-KIDDING L-LOSER! ☻Luv is a sensation Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration? ☻Good Sex Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid, everyone likes getting laid! ☻Equation Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply! ☻Sex Guide Bak 2 bak, front 2 front, on d table,lick dcunt, stick it in, do ur ting, do it hard & make her sing, tense ur body feel dcum, den let it rip into her bum! ☻Luv me tender Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin! ☻Life as a penis 5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b’hind u 4)ur bestm8s acunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint! ☻Pregnant Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! ☻Flying Fuck Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten! ☻Beat Me Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout! ☻£50 note tattood on yourcock 3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock: 1- Ucan play wiv ur money, 2- Ucan see ur money grow 3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants ☻Bastard Rubber D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! ☻Nice Arse I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse! ☻Cat & Rooster cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy! ☻Love poem Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between! ☻Bonna There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another? ☻Cocktail Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum! ☻Triplets or Twins I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! ☻How to satisfy a woman HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job ☻Life is like a dick Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! ☻Rainbow Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! ☻Love & War LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! ☻Little Girl When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! ☻Virginity is like a balloon Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! ☻Question Time Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin? A)a mouth full ofcock! ☻The Truth QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! ☻Pringles Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!! ☻Marriage A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! ☻Getting Old U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo ☻Baby Please Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection! ☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish! ☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high! ☻Men like toilets Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid 5)rconstantlt full of shit! ☻Mary's bush Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!! ☻Horny Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! ☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains urcar! 2)but still work,right? 3)r ucold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! ☻Hickory, dickory, dock Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block! ☻Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard! ☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! ☻Being a student Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex! ☻Down on her Knees Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job! ☻Cat and the Sausage Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy! ☻Oral sex Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again! ☻Mary's bike Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt ☻Rhyme a mans ocupation is to stick hiscockulation up a wommens ventulation to increase the population of the younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down! ☻NewsFlash *NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal ! ☻Nutella I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella. ☻U and the Pope do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :) ☻Durex Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex ☻Old Days in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented. ☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll Speed, weed and birthcontrol, lifes a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world lets get high.. ☻Kiss Me Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated! ☻How many letters How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him! ☻My Roof? last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof?? ☻Foot and Mouth mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth ☻Blondes What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop ☻Operator This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you ☻Blonde Womens legs what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met! ☻This Way Up Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H ☻I love you This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys! ☻Mary's Lambs Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy. ☻Sheep Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot. ☻Butter Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!! ☻Condom factory Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory. ☻Yo Mama Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her. ☻Mary Stinks Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole! ☻Mary's Duck mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck! ☻Tampons whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts! ☻Sex is like Maths sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs... and MULTIPLY! ☻Suspense how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!! ☻Statistics At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS ☻Farmer Joneshas farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag ☻Gary Gliter *Newsflash* The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach. The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's ☻Ba Ba White Sheep ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie ☻News Flash - Indian Earthquake !!News flash!! Indian earthquake kills 50 000! USA sending food. Australia sendingclothes. britain sending ... ... ... Replacements ☻Leather Heather there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together ☻Little Miss Drugy little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed. ☻Jack and Jill Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER ☻IRA what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth ☻Dear Mammy love annie There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. ☻Cock Sucker Detecotor This is acock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... cOCK SUCKER !! ☻Pink Vagina Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? ☻Red Riding Hood Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says! ☻Fuck for money sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money ☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin! ☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b'hind u 4)ur bestm8s acunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint! ☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! ☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten! ☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout! ☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock: 1- Ucan play wiv ur money, 2- Ucan see ur money grow 3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants ☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! ☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse! ☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy! ☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between! ☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another? ☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum! ☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! ☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job ☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! ☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! ☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! ☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! ☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! ☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together ☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed . ☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER ☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth ☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick. ☻This is acock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !! ☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? ☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says! ☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money ☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents ☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET ☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!" ☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble! ☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok" ☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever! ☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!! Labels: New Sex Jokes |